WALKING WITH ENVY

Apprenticeship to Love: The crooked path of sacred marriage (July 3, 2026)

TODAY'S QUESTION

Who do you envy, today? How is your envy making your life and this moment richer?

TODAY'S MEDITATION

Several years ago I injured my leg. It wasn't "serious" at the time. These kinds of injuries, however, have a way of travelling from not-serious into the realm of a-little-more-serious when not properly attended.

I didn't properly attend. The help I sought didn't know how to properly attend. Eventually, things became more-serious. Only then did help arrive. Or: Only then was I desperate enough to receive the help I needed.

Things are less-serious now. It's early days, but the "serious" I was coming to fear (loss of mobility, balance) has abated. I'm not out of the woods yet. But I have a path. Ironically, I'm trusting this path to make it possible for me to be back in the woods, more deeply and more regularly, soon.

In the meantime, I envy those who walk with ease. I see them, swinging their arms and legs, without a thought to how lucky they are. Oh! I think, Oh, how lovely to be able to just walk with that kind of nonchalance!

...

Recently I was reminded of other things I don't know the value of. Things I take for granted.

While I envy others their seeming ease —in walking, and in many other things, including their marriages— I forget what I have. I fail to celebrate and honour, fail to have reverence for, the many and subtle gifts that make mine a beautiful and joyful life.

...

I walked with a friend yesterday. Into the forest. Short walks. Short sits. Listening to her words. Appreciating her listening to my (too many?) words. Listening to the ravens, chattering in their many and strange tongues. Wondering, always: What do they tell me? What, slowed as I am, am I ready to hear?

...

The forest path was soft and kind to my body. My friend's attentions, kind to my ego.

We've known each other for a while. Quite a while. She's one of those who I try not to take for granted. She gives me so much. I'm not sure I knew how much she gave me.

Our friendship is not a straight, unbroken line. There have times of casual friendship. Times of more intense and devoted friendship. Times of silence, what seemed like pauses.

She's not the only one without whom I have long-term and undulating patterns of friendship. I try to remember that, even when I don't see or hear from these friends, our relationships persist. They change. But they do not end. They persist. I am learning how to be better at not taking them for granted, even though I know they will always be here for me, when I am ready to receive them, again.

...

These are hard times for many. Expectations are high, and especially with the ones we say we love.

I am hearing from men about their disappointments. I am also watching as several men are persisting, through their disappointments. There is nothing to envy in their marriages, though there is much that I see that is good and true and that I want for myself. I think I have this, but it is good to see it in others, and to feel how good it feels, to see this in others.

This thing I admire is a readiness, even though I hear and feel their reluctance, to do the necessary "wintering through" of their disappointments in marriage. They are learning how to suffer. They are learning how to love, even though the shape of this love is not familiar to them. They are learning how to let the woman they love lead them to a deeper, and darker, way to love, to be in their marriages.

...

I envy those who can walk easily through their day. I envy those who don't experience the hard surfaces —the pavements and tiled ways— as painful to their bodies. But I don't envy their ability to be hasty. Being slowed, being sensitive to my body, this is another one of those things that teaches me to revel in life. My little bit of suffering helps me to pay attention. To better enjoy the sitting, the silence, the chatter of ravens, the affection and attention of friends and those I love.

There is so much to enjoy.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONS

🌀The miracle is not to walk on water; the miracle is to walk on the earth. (Thich Naht Hahn)

🌀It is hard to learn to suffer. Women succeed more often and more nobly than men. Learn from them! Learn to listen when the voice of life speaks! Learn to look when the sun of destiny plays with your shadows! Learn to respect life! Learn to respect yourselves! From suffering springs strength… (Herman Hesse)

🌀Thy right is to work only, but never to its fruits; let not the fruit-of-action be thy motive, nor let thy attachment be to inaction. (Bhagavad Gita, 2:47)

🌀I have felt the greatness that comes from how you interact from a different place of knowing. (My beloved, she who must be loved)