THE CHOICES. THEY NEVER END

Apprenticeship to Love: The crooked path of marriage (April 26, 2026)

TODAY'S MEDITATION


I feel my impulses. I feel the pull of a primitive defensiveness.

I feel her soft resistance to my suggestions (my wants, my ideas of what this moment needs).

I notice myself, confused. On the one hand, I want to close to this moment. I want to defend, and to push for my way, what I think of as my wisdom.

But, on the other hand, and by the grace of consistent and daily practice, training my nervous system to be more than my wants, I also want to open.

The openings. The closings. The choices. They never end.

Confused, I and still able to choose to not close. To not defend. To not persist with what I think is my wisdom. Even in my confusion I am choosing to open.

I feel into this moment of clarity in confusion, with curiosity. I begin to experience myself different from who I imagine myself to be.

I am the only subject of this grand experiment: What happens, in my life, if I choose to open in face of a mind-body that wants to close?

...

After a lifetime of training in the formulae of traditional "manly" success in this world, I was broken open by regret. Broken, I was given a path. Broken, I humbly accepted what was offered: a consistent practice of yoga, meditation, solitude.

What happens?

Results to date: This man's body-mind is calmer, happier, more able to receive, and less willing to revert to primitive defensive responses. The unpredictability of life and love, of my garden and my family and my engagement with the woman I love –these don't trigger the same responses as they used to.

She, all of it, is still unknown and in many respects unknowable. But I am learning how I can feel into this moment, as I have never been able to feel into any moment. Feeling into the moment, my heart breaking open, I relax and feel even deeper. I am training myself to hold this broken-open space. It's the true and holy place for me. For all that this life brings me.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONS

🌀Polarity without love looks a lot like manipulation. (Nina Lombardo) 


🌀Our prayer is that you're an outlier. That you are compassionate in the face of the fearful, loving in the face of the violent, understanding of all those emotional children with adult minds and bodies who've no way of navigating life except with terror and violence. Help them to help themselves...their violence is a scream for help...your compassionate consciousness will create the peace that allows human life to live on Earth. (Guru Singh)

🌀Recognize that the other person is you. (Yogi Bhajan, Aquarian Sutra 1)

🌀The Conscious Warrior is committed to developing strength of the mind, physical body, and nervous system through dedicated physical, yogic, and meditative practice. (John Wineland)

🌀You're not like that now. (My beloved, my oracle)