HER DEMAND IS INFINITE & ALWAYS, TOO MUCH

Apprenticeship to Love: The crooked path of sacred marriage (July 12, 2026)

TODAY'S QUESTION

Are you feeling overwhelmed in any part of your life? Do you trust yourself to hold the moment of this "overwhelm," to breathe into how stable and powerful you are?

TODAY'S MEDITATION

I am swimming in the ocean of infinite love. 

I am always on the edge of drowning.

...

Our yogic bodies are energetic bodies. The energy moves between poles. Some refer to these poles as masculine or alpha, the other feminine or omega. The alpha is eternal. The omega, infinite.

I swim in an ocean of infinite love, and am always on the edge of believing myself not enough. I am always forgetting that I am the eternal swimmer this ocean needs. We are a polarity.

...

Another rule of the polarity: If I don't know how deep I am, I will always disappoint, and I will always feel this infinite as "too much." And yet, this experience of "too much" experiences me as the eternal presence, fully able to meet Her infinite demand.

...

Two conversations. A man swimming, believing himself to be drowning. A woman, swimming for so long, feeling herself lost without the presence of the eternal.

I am no stranger to these experiences. I know what it is to be with a woman whose infinite demands —sometimes so subtle as to be almost imperceptible, so easy to take for granted— have pulled me into depths frightening, seeming beyond my capacities. I know what it is to witness the feminine yearning to be held, yearning for this powerful presence of structure and direction to transform the flood of feeling and sensation into beauty and love.

I remind the man in the conversation to breathe. To find, if not his ground in this infinite ocean, then his capacity to trust himself. I invite him to know how deep and stable and adequate he is. While reminding him, I pray that I am listening. Because I too stand ready to collapse into her disappointment, to become the victim that is every man who refuses to listen to his beloved. She offers her infinite ocean of love only to those who are capable. Why would I doubt her? Because I doubt myself.

...

I remind the woman I am listening to that she has, all of her life, lived with disappointment: no man has been able to hold all that she offers, all that she demands, all that she knows. 

I remind her that she is enough. More than enough, and that the ocean storm she feels is just another aspect of her beauty, her gift to the world. Her storm and her fear of this storm is a gift to me. A gift to any man who is ready to listen, who isn't afraid to be silent as she cries and rages and dissolves into herself. 

She does not need a lover. Not even a constant presence. But certainly, she needs at least a moment of presence, of eternity. She needs one willing to hold this moment as she becomes vulnerability, becomes tears, becomes radiance as infinite beauty. 

Listening, I am reminded that, even when my beloved seems too much, I am enough just breathing, just holding this moment, for her to move, to dance, to unfold.

She is always too much. She is my siren. And, breathing, becoming still, I know that I am, always, enough.

TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS

🌀You cannot fully understand this vastness with your reasoning, but you can only know that it's real in the deeper reaches of your awakened consciousness. Here, you can comprehend this vastness...with this comprehension also comes compassion...a deep loving connection with all of this eternal life. This is the awareness of Narayan...the Ocean of Infinite Love. (Guru Singh & Guruperkarma)

🌀The Conscious Warrior is committed to developing strength of the mind, physical body, and nervous system through dedicated physical, yogic, and meditative practice. (John Wineland)

🌀You're not like that now. (My beloved, my siren)