PARADOX REVEALS MY PATH

Apprenticeship to Love: Meditations on this crooked path

March 3, 2026

TODAY'S MEDITATION 

Being decisive without an open heart is domination, abuse. Some thrive in these moments. Their thriving is at the expense of what is beautiful and true. Historically, their moments are short-lived.

Being decisive with a heart open to mystery and darkness —here is where the magic lives! Art and love are born and sustained here.

A marriage that knows how to dance this dance of open-hearted direction may last. It may become an inspiration. An inspiration not only to the couple or the family or the community, but to the world. That is why I want to work with couples who aspire to make their weddings (and marriages) occasions that change the world.

...

I was surprised at how nervous I felt. I was about to present on "Dancing with Intuition" as part of an international tango conversation. To know this topic, yes. To step forward and reveal myself, however, something that is so close to my heart, so desired: frightening. A paradox.

One of the other conversationalists reminded me of another paradox, one that is at the heart of tango and often mentioned, especially when talking to beginners: to lead is to follow the follow. This paradox is also at the heart of my life.

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I am a masculine-identified man. Because of culture and my masculine intuition I am drawn to straight lines. Light. Vision. Direction. I treat paradoxes as irritants, problems to be solved. But life and tango, and certainly love and marriage —none of these are problems to be solved.  

With the hard training of years of failure and regret I’ve come to know this: the paradoxes I experience are themselves the keys to understanding that which is beyond what I consider reasonable understanding. 

To follow the follow. To take the next step. Stepping into the unknown and the terrible beauty of my vulnerability. With confidence.

This is not the work of knowing myself. There is endless attention paid to self-knowledge. Bringing the self to light. Good work to do, absolutely. But the work of marriage and love and tango it is the work of trusting the paradox —and having the confidence that, stepping into the dark, silent, and terrifying unknown with my heart open, I will know my way to the next step. And the next.

…

My beloved comes to me with her pain, her sorrow and sacrifice. These are her gifts to me, wrapped in tears and aching. Slowly I unwrap these gifts. 

Time and silence. Trust in myself. Keeping my heart open. More slowly than my impatience demands I do this unwrapping. So slowly that I become a stillness that is deeper than her silence, an unwavering light that holds her darkness. This is how we dance. 

We move so much slower than I want to. This she teaches me, how to become the ground for her to stand on. Not with words or gestures or movement, but with her suffering. I become more of myself: He who must be trusted.

I am the presence this moment calls for. Breathing. Silent. 

The neediness I was feeling dissipates. She is released from my demands and expectations. I become safe, and she blesses me with all that I need: her trust, her love. 

…

The paradox of marriage and love that lasts is a hard thing for this body to accept: there is no certainty, except my commitment to follow the path she shows me. I lead by following the follow. And love blossoms, strangely and in ways unimagined.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONS

🌀To lead, follow the follow. (Tango aphorism)

🌀The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes from within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells Wakan-Tanka and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us. (Black Elk)

🌀A warrior is not about perfection, or victory, or invulnerability. He's about absolute vulnerability. That's the only true courage. (Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior)

🌀You're not like that now. (My oracle)

CEREMONIES: WEDDINGS & RENEWAL OF VOWS

If you are considering a wedding or a renewal of vows, I offer a Sacred Wedding program for couples. If you're interested in how I approach this work, please send me an email at rev.hans@sacredbodies.ca. I have space for three more couples this year.