HOW DO I RECEIVE THESE GIFTS?
The most difficult teachers have been my best teachers. The ones I resist, they break me open so that I may learn. And because I am my most difficult and challenging teacher I need an amount (always more than I imagine) of solitude. To sit. With my willfulness. My obstinance. My denial. All of it!
Apprenticeship to Love: Meditations on this crooked path, January 30, 2026
A FEW WORDS EARLY IN THIS YEAR
I recorded this a couple of years ago. I think today is a good time for me to remember what I said, and to share it with you.
TODAY'S MEDITATION
Strange, the angels who fly through my life. Unbidden, they leave gifts. This angel, born of a chance meeting a dozen years ago, frequently offers me her art. Today, the gift is her observation on the necessity of enjoying the flower of happiness as it "gently lands" on her shoulder.
She is, in her patience and willingness to allow this feeling to be, and to move, as it will, the midwife to her happiness, and to the beauty she brings to all of us who are paying attention.
...
A man who teaches me asked, What one piece of advice we would give to younger men?
My answer: Slow down. Allow yourself to enjoy this moment.
But to those of you who read here, this isn't news. You already know that I give this advice to myself almost daily, and to anyone —man or woman— who runs the treadmill of their passions. Slow down. Let this life nourish you. I have learned that nourishment will not happen when I move quickly. I have to remind myself, and have to be reminded, often: Slow down. Let the moment have its way with you.
...
It is, for me, a constant tension: my willfulness, or the way of this teacher that is life.
I once heard it put this way: Do I surrender to the way that is being shown, or do I continue to willfully beat my head against the wall of life and the consequences of my willfulness?
…
I listened to a dear friend as he expressed his hunger for more, a "more" that will not satisfy. I heard myself, and was uncomfortable. This wanting a habit of my unhappiness.
Nothing I say will change anything for this friend. Only compassion, for him, but first for me. Only awareness will save me from my own habits. This friend, he is who I am. This is why I practice, every day.
It helps. To practice. To remember who I am. That I change, but not so much as to be unrecognizable in myself, or in what my friend brings to me.
…
Let me say this, before I say more: The most difficult teachers have been my best teachers. The ones I resist, they break me open so that I may learn. And because I am my most difficult and challenging teacher I need an amount (always more than I imagine) of solitude. To sit. With my willfulness. My obstinance. My denial. All of it!
To sit alone because I am not fit company for humans, too ready to lash out in irritation. Dogs, maybe. Humans, no. Loved ones and innocent bystanders, most definitely not.
So I sit, alone, with this most difficult teacher, that I am a little more humane with the world. The ones I love deserves this.
…
Sometimes it's easier to choose comfort and distraction. To deny what this teacher brings to me.
But... Then I make myself miserable. Miserable, I share this misery with those who are near. And even those who are not so near.
...
It’s a strange thing, to be content. Without hunger. The culture stokes hunger, appetite.
It's winter. The season of dying and mourning. A time to let things be. And, to be content. Allow the angels to bring their gifts, unbidden.
TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS
🌀Happiness is a butterfly, and I hold my breath, as I feel how it gently lands on my shoulder for a brief moment.
Nothing special has happened, just living my life in this city, being a sculpture student, dreaming, cooking dinner with friends. I know that this will pass, this will all just become a fading memory. So I just hold my breath and stare at the captivating pattern on the delicate wings. (Anastasia Areyeva)
🌀In these moments, the unbelievable and the impossible slip away, and in the presence of belief, possibility arrives; actuality reveals; that the desired outcome already exists.
…get out there; be bold; and know that belief bends the flow of your world, like valleys bend the flow of a river . .. (Guru Singh & Guruperkarma Kaur)
🌀I lament that many people cannot discern real teaching. There is a difference between leading, performing, and teaching. (Kimberly Ann Johnson)
🌀I test you. (My beloved)
