CHOOSING SUFFERING, AFRAID OF THE PAIN

• Today’s question: Have you looked into the darkness of this moment and allowed it to become light?
• Today's suggested practice: Day 20 of this month's practice with Sarah Anderson (see video, below)
• My playlist while writing today's meditation: Otros Aires, Sin Rumbo https://music.apple.com/ca/album/sin-rumbo/1482892186?i=1482892193
• Practice: 5:45am: 30 minutes of yogic practice, including Meditation for Purifying the Elements
• My vulnerability practice: To enjoy this moment of happiness, and simultaneously feel the sadness of knowing it will end, that this grief sharpens the happiness, does not dull it.
• ***For readers who are in Vancouver, consider looking at the “Sacred Sexuality for Couples” workshop being hosted by men’s and couples therapist Fabiola Perez. FMI see fabiolaperez.com/offerings

Hans Peter Meyer

TODAY'S MEDITATION

Something Stephen Jenkinson said, in a recent conversation with Kimberly Ann Johnson… I will paraphrase & bend it to my meaning: Learning the skill of grief, to relish each moment alive, but not to get lost in the mad pursuit of pleasure & the denial of death, that is the denial of living. This is why her Siren song, breaking my protective shell of cynicism on the subtle shores of her devotion —this is why it is necessary that, unlike the scoundrel & trickster Odysseus, I am ruined, and become more worthy of her love.

Tension. Pressure. Friction. Required to live in and to shape this body in the time/space of this life. And so much complaining about all of them!

I’m feeling the tension of three poles: One, my irritation at how someone close is choosing the path of suffering, rather than accepting the inevitable pain of the body, the heart in this life. Two, the words on the yogic Yamas of Brahamacharya and Asteya in this week’s teachings: limitation as the doorway into the sacred… And three, my excitement at teaching yoga for lovers. A beautiful tension, pulling me into unimaginable shapes and feelings…

She once asked me to make our sex sacred. I’m sure I’ve told this story before. It’s short. A punctuation mark. A full colon in the relationship, waiting for the clause to complete the sentence. I’m working on that now…

Her request, so softly spoken, haunts me: a benevolent yet uncompromising angel. Her request echoes and offers insights into who I am as a man, into the choices I’ve made, am making. Choosing the pain, now. Not the suffering. Another reason why I love her: a necessary subtly and softness in her Siren song, slowly singing me to ruin the boat I’d created to protect myself from much harsher words, protected me from love.

It is not unusual that, after a lifetime of love’s failures, I would craft such a boat. Sturdy. Perhaps even plated with armour. Shiny. Sleek. Girded with cynicism, of a gentle sort. I was listening to another survivor of love’s stormy seas, heard her complaint of men’s perfidy, her welcome of callousness, cycnism. It was too familiar. This was how I built my little ship. How I sailed into warmer waters, unable to know their warmth. This was how I missed what I needed to know. And so, I was worthy of shipwreck and ruin.

Let’s return to my paraphrasing of Stephen Jenkinson: the skill of grief is the gift of shipwreck. I choose to become familiar with this pain and allow it to bless the love and the beauty of this and every breath, so long as I breathe. Because I will not breathe for much more than another three decades, if I’m lucky. I will pass. So much that I hold dear will pass. Let this knowing deepen my appreciation and my listening and my feeling into it all. Treasures. Gifts. Colours. Textures. Feelings. Enjoy all of it!

But note the temptation to turn this enjoyment into an excuse to deny the pain. It will not be denied.

We spoke recently about sex and its powerful impact on our nervous systems. And I am reminded, again, to consider what it means, to “make our sex sacred.”

TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS

🌀 Moderation, the essence of the teachings of Brahmacharya, has nothing to do with suppression, rather with clear recognition of the sacredness of our existence and thus also of our sexuality. (KYS, Breaking Habits, Day 13)

🌀Men, loving an embodied woman requires that you embrace, encourage, and hold all that she is. Because to love her is not to tame her but to encourage her to remain untamed. To allow her love to wake the parts of you that are afraid to feel, that are not strong enough to hold her fullness, and that need her to remain unthreatening and pleasing in order to feel secure in your masculinity. (Jeremie Lotemo @byermeas on Insta)

🌀And you, you see me. You hear me. You know me. (My beloved, my Oracle, my Siren)

TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE

Day 20 of this month's practice, take about six minutes today to sit and join Sarah Anderson in a beautiful “Sacred Womb” meditation (because all of us, however we identify, can benefit from some loving attention to our “feminine” creative/generative capacities)

Please read through first, then ...

• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness as you listen to your heart, your belly, your sex, your root and let this question stir within you…. Have you looked into the darkness of this moment and allowed it to become light? Again, this is the question posed to the sacred womb, the fecund darkness that lies beyond our knowing. Let that divine mystery of creation reveal Herself, no matter how masculine you are, no matter how little you may trust this feminine mystery…
• Set your timer for 6 minutes or listen to or watch Sarah:

• As the timer signals or the video ends allow your eyes to slowly open. Take three, relaxed breath cycles, no pressing, no effort, and feel yourself full, without thoughts, open. Safe to receive. Then, step into your day, letting the mantra echo as a nourishing vibration whenever you become still. You don't need to DO anything. Let the world come to you with its demands, its complaints, and yes, its endless tide of gifts and blessings.

***Yoga for Lovers, a new online and IRL offering for Valentine’s date nights, and beyond. FMI see sacredbodies.ca/events